hell.

damn. today was freaking crazy. i am so so so so tired but strung up and don't understand why my feet hurt and my hands hurt and my head hurts and my wrist hurts and my heart hurts, because i am distraught and stressed. fucking hell. actually in all reality it wasn't that bad. all i know is that i need to only have one job, and pa'ing is not where i want to be. the photography is ok, but you know what, i need more training with that camera and i don't understand why i'm supposed to search thru hundreds of photos on the tiny screen because my card reader doesn't do justice on jason's slowest machine in the building. and why all the noise? i don't know that camera, i don't like that camera, and i sure as hell don't like being there all day long. god.
i miss the shit out of jeffey, i should have gone down with him, but i am really looking forward to the road trip next month, and i'm stoked to be moving in with him, too, i like the neighborhood ok, not any better or any worse than out here, though i do want to get a cooler place in the city somewhere with a yard for a dog, and a garage for all the other pets... anyway, i'm really not looking forward to tomorrow, although it will be busier, with 4 fucking shoots, i won't be pa'ing, which i really can't do when i need to do lighting. i have to tell lisset that i'm not down with pa'ing unless jason's around to take care of the rest. i mean, kenny's cool and all, but i was just a bit overwhelmed. and with 4 rather large shoots tomorrow, goddamn i'll look forward to friday for the simplicity... and to next week, when my hunny comes home to me...