no weekend for me

It's been almost too long since I've picked up a pen or typed on a keyboard and put down some emotions and thoughts. I neglect my own expression as I neglect other things in life; the effort I take to exercise of my mind falls as short as the lack of effort to exercise my body.

Reading is since limited to few Sandman comics when my brain is drained and I'm sick of sitting slouched on the couch watching movies. Movies. Movies. movies. Rent so many, finish so few. I find myself so drained of any interest and energy when eating junk and feeling fat and lazy that my eyes droop and sleep overtakes me, the Sand from ol' Morpheus clogging my vision and overwhelming me in my day to day being...

I have books. Why don't I pick them up? I laze and complain, and waste away nights at home, arguing forgivable obtuse things which only escalate the annoyance between us, lessening a respectable existence and inching us closer towards spite.

It sucks, and I can't imagine any way to quell our nitpicking other than him getting angry at me being quiet, and me saying something that ends up in a pointless argument.

It's a fine line, I suppose, and continuing along pushing the effort to be considerate towards one another and helping out where needed, even when it's not asked for. This is important to me. It's a hard thing to ask for if it's not already ingrained and instinctual, and for whatever reason I feel both of us resisting the natural urge to be pleasant. I don't want us to take each other for granted. I don't want to be the butt of his stress, nor me to take out anger and annoyance on him, to stress our energy is pointless, useless, aggravating and... all of the above.

The bottom line is these things have been on my mind, and the need for me to vent has been overwhelming but is it worth any result? Would the comsequence be of any consequence? These are things I need to discuss out loud, not in front of any television, not in front of any distraction. Cuddled up in our home, pup and selves, warm and enjoyed in each other's company, these are necessities. Since I work long hours and he works long odd hours, our hours have rarely meshed, and when they do they are often badly filled with bullshit. 'Snot right. I'm sorry.

Love, tha's right.