woo

It's about freakin' time I get my grades in!! In good academic standing, they say... I need to go talk to a counselor so I can figure out what I have that's transferrable and what isn't, how much time left I really have at City before I have to get down to the nitty gritty, pick an official major and start talking to State so I can transfer, and get on with my so called life, and make a real career out of being a lazy ass floating on cloud nine.

Today was cleverly full of strange feelings of sickness deep down inside, confusion as to what I'm really doing with my life here, bliss sleeping in late in my hunny's warm bed while the sun sneaks in and barely warms the chill of the room and my bike soaks in the fog outside... I went for a short little ride to Bev's and got straps to make my tank bag into a backpack, spent $11.99 on it. And got a spicy noodle salad for lunch, then briskly buzzed around and realized that I have to lean into my turns and not be such a scaredy cat about higher speed turns. It's easy shit I just have to let loose and follow through and let my body just be in control, the wheels do their own thing and all will be good...

Then I came back home and like on a roller coaster I was hit by the same kind of mood that is all too familiar, the one where I almost feel anxious about stepping foot out the door, all I wanted to do was curl up and read, ignore the reality that is sometimes overbearing, mentally I had a big fat fart (my body) and I felt like J must have a few weeks ago, the thundering darkness of depression pushing down on my shoulders and my stomach bubbling with acidic fear... It's not exactly a comforting thing, feeling like that... I put in the Neverwhere DVD that had just arrived, only to be very disappointed with bad budget british television, and ended up sleeping through it, waking up to my breath's iciness, visible in the lack of warmth of my room.

Then I said phuket... I told myself multiple times yesterday that I ought to get a mango, since it was being phantomly craved on my dulling tastebuds, so I walked to the mailbox, to the grocery, got some celery and peanut butter (also having been craved from the previous nights' conversation) and a mango... Came back, made a BST, then proceeded to redo my entire slideshow, painstakingly finally figuring it out, and it looks ok. I scrapped the Flickr one, and figure it's ok for now, till I get bored and dissatisfied again...

And, now, I'm on a crest declining down the roller coaster, it's been up and down, up and down, all day, and all I want to do again, is curl up and veg out, ... damn I wish J wasn't working, to have him cuddling up next to me would be subliminal...

sigh....