group portrait

aw.

schuper pup

Fa...

Jumping on hotel beds is clearly essential.

One of my first Final Cut projects...

pugger

Silly bo billy. Some christian devil rock band has adopted my name stillsight- their myspace page is funny, makes me regret deleting my profile entirely to protect my interests. Bad self-marketing decision that was, I should have saved it undoubtedly.

Someone has a puppy Pug downstairs, it's smaller than my foot and soft and black, sweet puppy smell and makes me just want to get home as quick as I can to snuggle with Sandy- it's been nice finally living with a dawger again, goofy goon as she is, it makes home even more cozy...

Sandy noggin pupper dawgin butterface apfeffelefrey. That's her name, do't wear it out!

;)

goldie

All that and it's finally done.
Goldie is our new buddy, and I can't wait to finally take her home this week!

unexpected consequences

This from my horrorscope today:

This influence can produce some rather unexpected events, for it influences you to seek excitement and new experiences through love and creativity. The effects can vary considerably, because this influence always produces unexpected consequences. For instance, it can produce an unexpected disruption in an existing love relationship, caused by your feeling that things have become dull and routine. You seek excitement, and if it is not forthcoming, you may become quite irritable. Or something unexpected but not necessarily unfavorable may happen. Sometimes this influence suddenly produces a new relationship from a totally unexpected quarter or with a person who is radically different from anyone you know. A relationship that begins during this time is usually exciting but unstable.


All fairly true.

rain.

absolutely sucks.
drying my skin out, my back hurts and I'm full of complaints on a Monday.
People were strange as ever on the muni today, one guy loudly and obnoxiously shouting out "good morning governor mom how are you good morning governor dad how are you" over and over, cussing in between. And, of course the train I got on wasn't going downtown, so I had to get off in the rain and wait for another N, packed and airtight, uncomfortable and hard to breathe... as it should be.
... looking forward to another lazy evening at home, unstuffed peppers with rice and lentils and curling up with hot tea and the Sandman, then heroes. My half of the ultimate favorite couch tv cuddling position is already aching for the other, and a wet day of dog will surely bring stories of mud to my ears tonight...
get me out of here...

mood: isn't it obvious
music: nothing but the sound of the rain

imgs host

imgshost.com hasn't been online for the past couple days, meaning certain images I've linked to from there are no longer coming up... for instance my background image for this blog...

maybe it's time for some photoshop action? something new?

definite enjoyment

I think I really do like this performancing thing. I never liked the look and feel of Blogger, and this allows me to post, and take my time doing it, think about what I'm writing, and on my little screen where real-estate is limited, I can surf and still think, and chill and change pages up there, while scratching in ideas about life down here...

Works for me. Now, another thing I've wanted for a while is the ability to sync my bookmarks on all my browsers- at work, here on both firefox and safari. Not sure if there's a way to do it besides opting into a .mac account, or buying some shareware that'll be buggy and not worth it.

Nevermind.

headaches suck.
so does being hungry and lazy, and the only thing around is more lazy.

this is a test.

Trying out this "performancing" thing.
Because wasting time at work is great.

yearning.

for a road trip.
i want to go backpacking, hiking in the mountains with my dog, my mister, and me- ride out on squirmy roads to places where few signs of other people exist, and this is the biggest and most diverse state to do it in...
i want to go exploring! to surprise valley, the place right on the cusp of oregon and california- modoc national forest... sitting here with the atlases by my side and google maps on the screen, my curiosity and antsyness has me by the balls, gripping my imagination and i want to run!
play and dream under the sky, with the companionship of my man and my pooch, when we find the right one...
arr

insecurity. i hate the word.

If I can't deal with my own insecurity, I go somewhere else for reassurance. It's simple, I say what I'm feeling, and I either get the support I'm looking for or I don't. So, I'm either searching for someone to tell me I'm everything I'm hoping to be, and more, and not any of the things that I hate about myself, and I'm satisfied... until I'm not. Then, I'll search again, for reassurance that I'm good, I'm okay, I'm beautiful and I'm not a terrible person. Even though deep down I know I am who I am and I'm okay with that, I may not know who I am all the time, and then I catch it, the insecurity bug. It's selfish, it's cruel, it's fucked up, and at the same time it's human nature, to need, to want, to know that I'm wanted.

And I know it's not only me. But, when it comes my turn to reassure and tell the only person who is my life right now that it's okay, I'm here to stay, and I may not know why but I know I want to be, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone but my soul, my conscience and my judgement. And there's nothing I can do about it- I can't deny that I'm addicted to his love, to his presence, personality, companionship and being, and there's nothing I would do to harm that.

But I catch myself being too selfish too often, and being inconsiderate to his feelings and similarities to me. I may be blind to our differences so much that when peace is starting to be altered it scares me and I retreat, and end up saying the wrong thing, doing more harm than good in the worst way possible, only because I don't know how to fix it or what to say to make it better. To reassure him that he is wonderful and everything I could have asked for and more, but don't ask me why. And don't ask me why asking me why makes me uncomfortable, because to me it makes no sense, scares me shitless and confuses me because what I know is right is right in all ways, and when I'm forced to doubt it I can't. I don't doubt it. And when the door shuts between us I get defensive and we clash, but what is that, love? To be accepted the next morning, unrestrained in unconditional love, is it normal? Whatever it is I'm glad we have it.

Insecurity. I hate the word.
It creeps up my skin like a thousand crawly fire ants, harmless unless provoked. I want to wash it off both our skins, soak our bodies in hydrogen peroxide and boil the uncertainty away. I feel deficient in knowledge of assurance. How to say what feels good, and expresses everything but instability, because that is what we need to be for each other.

I don't know any better way to say it but to wait like a shamed and bashful dog, scared of everything, for him to stumble upon this dumb blog- private thoughts made public, and read it for himself because I can't work up the courage to say something, anything at all, to make it worse or make it better. That's my stupid insecurity, that no matter what I say will be stupid, and being quiet is even stupider, and therefore I remain misunderstood. Fuck.

And what is this?

immunity.

I came down with a cold on Friday. I probably ran into someone with the bug, who sneezed on me, touched me after coughing on their hand. I spent the next two days drinking tea, juices, yet still riding my little motorcycle through the city fog, up and down hilly streets bouncing the little blue bike over potholes, rails in the asphalt, zipping around manhole covers and obscurities unexpected. Stop-go-stop-go.

Sold Edgar, haven't finalized the deal yet, but won't ride him again. It makes me edge to the far end of my seat, hoping that the guy in Napa has time this week to figure them out, straighten all bent tubes, bits, pieces and make it solid again. Then we'll piece the RocketDog together again, and I'll be powered on the road in shining felicity.

Hope I feel better, much better, clear and sneeze-free, before boarding the plane Friday morning. Current weather: 44˚ and raining. I think it's incredibly hilarious that for my cousin's Bar Mitzvah we're staying at "Eden Theological Seminary is called by Jesus Christ to be a school of the church. Eden is called to strengthen and support the life and mission of the church by educating pastors and teachers, enlivening critical reflection on faith, and encouraging Christian discipleship." Like a good Jewish mother she's having friends and family stay nearby at the Seminary, while we celebrate the good Jewish kid entering into adulthood... Makes me laugh.

Anyway it'll be a good time seeing my drugged up post-surgery mama, and meeting the new cousin's who're probably so cute and girly, and seeing the boyz get bigger.

Bah.

doing nothing

Although this is normally a pleasant influence, producing good times and pleasant leisure, under some circumstances it can be a period of testing to see if relationships are on a sound footing. The test may consist of situations that will determine your ability to maintain your individuality within your important relationships. This influence produces a tendency to compromise rather than to stand up for your beliefs and rights. Someone may take advantage of your good nature at this time, which is not a tremendous danger, but something to keep in mind when dealing with people today. At this time your energies are rather low, not so that you feel sick, but so that you feel like doing nothing. Your work may not be done carefully because your heart is not really in it.

Hm. Horoscope has it right today. My activities have extended to: laying around on the couch. Ordering mate from a website. Uploading a couple lame photos to tmbo. Doing dishes. Doing laundry. Removing windshield from Edgar. Buying fruit, getting medicine, razors and eggs, bread and ice cream. Now, lazing around because nothing seems exciting or worthy of my effort... gawd! Feels go to be down and out.

Munching: spicy hummus with wasa crackers, sipping on mate
Listening to: nothing because nothing sounds good.
Current mood: bleh.

untitled.

Something inside me has been screaming and I don't know how to shut it up. Ever since the trip to Oklahoma and found myself uncomfortably ill a few weeks ago, things have been practically impossible to get back to somewhere clear. If it's not one thing about my body, it's another, and more vitamins and less sleep and more false stimulation and just as much mind-blowing experience have gotten me nowhere but even more stressed out, for no reason.

I've been almost uncontrollably bitchy, and breathing deeper makes my gut wrench and hurt even more, when all I want it to do is calm. Even I've been so pissed at everything around me and so pissed off at myself, which pisses me off even more, and makes me just want to tell myself to go away, shut the fuck up, deal with it and take a damn chill pill.

Today I'm on a roller coaster again, freaking out about moving backwards to take a step forwards in my job and not knowing how to start, although somewhere deeper inside I feel confident that I'll learn all I need to know and have a foot ahead in knowing what I do already know, but feel shoved to the wolves anyhow. I feel angry at the people I work with, and know that it's only making it more difficult for them to trust me, and help me, and me to help them is a stretch for my selfish and angry soul. What is going on???

I really enjoyed being around my closest gals this past weekend, and they helped me to see that it is true, that my life is really going somewhere here, that I have a fantastic situation, with my man, my home, my life, that whatever it is that's tearing me apart emotionally is nowhere near where it could be, and I'm doing fine.

So there's nowhere else for me to go but onward and upward, and the evil in me will be tough going, to quench my thirst for life I need to keep up with my needs and desires, and that is to help my guy when he helps me, and put the extra effort out to be the person I want to be, for him and me. There was no reason good enough for me to leave him downstairs with my selfish bitchass upstairs, doing all this work for me, when I fight myself, and lose. Miserably. So I extend my apologies and know that I can be there, and know that just because I'm tired and the thin energy had all gone on a thread, stick to it, and be there. I do want to learn and help, and if his making excuses about little sh*t infuriates me, then why in the world can I justify my excuses and expect them to not infuriate him.

SO I contend to breathe deeper and take care of myself, know that I am loved unconditionally and there is nothing I can do to stop myself from returning the ...favor. It is what it is, and my father my mother my brothers and my love, even if the fortune cookie I keep in my wallet is telling me the truth, there is no way I could ever be alone.

Only four more hours.

So you say it's your birthday?

Well Happy Birthday to ya!!

Today my ol' man is another year older...
Here's some of the same useless facts as applied to the day my love entered upon this mortal coil... It is only a hope that we can share a celebratory treat to commemorate his beginnings...

1 October 1969

Your date of conception was on or about 8 January 1969 which was a Wednesday.

You were born on a Wednesday
under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 9.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1 & 5.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 7 & 11.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 8 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2440495.5.
The golden number for 1969 is 13.
The epact number for 1969 is 11.
The year 1969 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/17/1969 and ending 2/5/1970.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rooster.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Raven; your plant is Ivy.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Choiach, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 20 Tishri 5730.

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 6 April 1969.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 13 April 1969.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 19 February 1969.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 25 May 1969.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 1 June 1969.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 13 September 1969.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 3 April 1969.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 18 February 1969.

As of 10/2/2006 11:31:03 PM EDT
You are 37 years old.
You are 444 months old.
You are 1,931 weeks old.
You are 13,515 days old.
You are 324,383 hours old.
You are 19,463,011 minutes old.
You are 1,167,780,663 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Jay Underwood (1968)
Mark McGwire (1963)
Randy Quaid (1950)
Rod Carew (1945)
Stella Stevens (1936)
Julie Andrews (1935)
Richard Harris (1932)
George Peppard (1928)
Tom Bosley (1927)
Jimmy Carter (1924)
James Whitmore (1921)
Walter Matthau (1920)
Vladimir Horowitz (1903)


Top songs of 1969
Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In by Fifth Dimension
In the Year 2525 by Zager & Evans
Get Back by Beatles (with Billy Preston)
Sugar, Sugar by Archies
Honky Tonk Women by Rolling Stones
Everyday People by Sly & the Family Stone
Dizzy by Tommy Roe
Wedding Bell Blues by Fifth Dimension
I Can't Get Next to You by Temptations
Crimson & Clover by Tommy James & the Shondells

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.28962818003914 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 364 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 38 candles.

Those 38 candles produce 38 BTUs,
or 9,576 calories of heat (that's only 9.5760 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.34 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1969 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1969 the US population was approximately 179,323,175 people, 50.6 persons per square mile.
In 1969 in the US there were approximately 1,800,000 marriages (9.3%) and 479,000 divorces (2.5%)
In 1969 in the US there were approximately 1,712,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1969 the population of Australia was approximately 12,407,217.
In 1969 there were approximately 250,175 births in Australia.
In 1969 in Australia there were approximately 112,470 marriages and 10,930 divorces.
In 1969 in Australia there were approximately 106,496 deaths.


Your birthstone is Tourmaline

The Mystical properties of Tourmaline

Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Jasper


Your birth tree is

Hazelnut Tree, the Extraordinary

Charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody and capricious lover, honest and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgement.


There are 84 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 97 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

useless information

4 August 1982

Your date of conception was on or about 11 November 1981 which was a Wednesday.

You were born on a Wednesday
under the astrological sign Leo.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445185.5.
The golden number for 1982 is 7.
The epact number for 1982 is 5.
The year 1982 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/25/1982 and ending 2/12/1983.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dog.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Salmon; your plant is Raspberry.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 16 Av 5742.

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 11 April 1982.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 18 April 1982.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 24 February 1982.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 30 May 1982.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 6 June 1982.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 18 September 1982.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 8 April 1982.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 23 February 1982.

As of 9/26/2006 11:00:50 PM EDT
You are 24 years old.
You are 289 months old.
You are 1,260 weeks old.
You are 8,819 days old.
You are 211,679 hours old.
You are 12,700,740 minutes old.
You are 762,044,450 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Cole and Dylan Sprouse (1992) Jeff Gordon (1971) Roger Clemens (1962)
Barack Obama (1961) Billy Bob Thornton (1955) Raoul Wallenberg (1912)
Louis Armstrong (1901) Elizabeth, The Queen Mother (1900) Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792)

Top songs of 1982
I Love Rock `n' Roll by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
Eye of the Tiger by Survivor
Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
Centerfold by J. Geils Band
Maneater by Daryl Hall & John Oates
Jack & Diane by John Cougar
Don't You Want Me by Human League
Up Where We Belong by Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes
Abracadabra by Steve Miller Band
Hard to Say I'm Sorry by Chicago

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.45166340508806 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 312 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 25 candles.

Those 25 candles produce 25 BTUs,
or 6,300 calories of heat (that's only 6.3000 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.86 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1982 there were approximately 3.6 million births in the US.
In 1982 the US population was approximately 226,545,805 people, 64.0 persons per square mile.
In 1982 in the US there were 2,495,000 marriages (10.8%) and 1,180,000 divorces (5.1%)
In 1982 in the US there were approximately 1,990,000 deaths (8.8 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1982 the population of Australia was approximately 15,288,891.
In 1982 there were approximately 239,903 births in Australia.
In 1982 in Australia there were approximately 117,274 marriages and 44,088 divorces.
In 1982 in Australia there were approximately 114,771 deaths.


Your birthstone is Peridot

Peridot is used to help dreams become a reality.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Sardonyx, Diamond, Jade


Your birth tree is

Cypress, the Faithfulness

Strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, happy,content,optimistic, needs enough money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered,unruly, pedantic and careless.


There are 90 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 103 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was full.

shana tova

Year 5767...

's an old one this world

Wedding Photos Online

Kinda hasty, but I narrowed down 711 to 165 for public viewing...

It's the bottom right album on my website gallery, and here also:

Ariella & Jason - September 3rd 2006

Sep 1, 2006 - 165 Photos

new feature: pic of the day

let's see if I can keep up with this

Gloom-be-gone.

the big day arrives

SO the day started off with 2 and a half hours of getting manicures and pedicures, then barbeque at joe's, (damn good ribs if I do say so myself), then showing off the 3 bedroom house to the parents, then going shopping at the WalMart on the edge of town, which was amusing and a pure culture shock in itself... Then watched a little teevee, embarassed Ari and myself with the home video of us girls at horny 14... then, dinner at some odd place with horrible service, then the cowboy rodeo bar (AWESOME), then karaoke, also awesome... and some more photos of ari trying on lingerie...
it's 3 am and the big day is here...
My eyes are practically bleeding from all the cigarette smoke...
I can't wait to go back to a state with laws about that kind of thing, the bars are a cloud of smoke and c'mon man, everybody's doing it...
excitin!

OKC

Oklahoma Oklahoma Oklahoma! Yes Freddie, now put down the pots and pans...

Things have been surreal and as if we're living in a hollywood movie we run from place to place in the horrid muggy heat, with scheduled limos, a wild bachelorette party, dress rehearsals, lingerie and drama with family.
It's oddly typical with two hours of hairdressing to chose a style, and bar-hopping with six drunken dressed up girls, sending off our hometown buddy to live a small-town middle-America homeowning bible-thumping brick tornado farming strange Oklahoma life... But, it's a cute life, and although I didn't ever see my lady settling down with a bloke with a 1st grader (a sharp one he is, and polite, too) and a three-bedroom two-car garage house with overdrying air-conditioning and a Kia SUV, she'll be allright. I can only send her off in a true glamour-girl white wedding, something I knew she'd always want, and of course she's the first of us to get down to it.

Despite the hotness, the vacation's been awesome so far, it's wicked to see Pace and get to know her all over again; to see 'ella in her glory of being the center of attention, her favorite place to be; and just not be working, is worth gold right now. Although I miss the living sh*t out of my dude, I know it's only a few more days of rushing from one mimosa-filled party and family dramatic dinner to the next before I get to be back in my giant bed and cocoa cozy house with my guy...

Wheoot! And, taking pix has been not the main focus, but the candid ones are cherries to be picked every time I open the bag and take out the camera...

More later! -> check the gallery, ongoing updates:

like a fire

for whatever reason, my ibook batteries are not part of the recall yet the one I'm using now is ridiculously hot, but not nearly as hot as my brother's macbookpro.
Thanks for that, but maybe I'll have to keep checking back to see if they update the info on the website and decide to include mine in...

Other than that, I took tons of pics today and tried uploading them to the Picasa albums online, and I think I most definitely prefer flikr for web albums, other than the imagetaxi one that Dan set up a couple years ago, the one I barely use... Those are just for pics I need to link to on picasa, so I don't take up bandwith of Dan's or Kerry's, and google might as well be linked to, they are the biggest conglomerate corporation that has terrabytes of storage just on personal email accounts, so there...

Here's the link to the ongoing albums- I'll probably continue to upload images nightly so I can clear them off my camera, making things easier and a lil' less annoying when uploading them the next time... the only thing I really don't like about it is the hesitation on loading jpegs, it's like they don't get clear and look like shit until it loads a 2nd and 3rd layer, as if it's a gif. Meh.

La's Picasa

Wheeo.

(this was meant to be yesterday)

Fucking assholes, working at the TSA stupid orange alert Oakland shit balls airport!
They blatantly dropped my laptop on the floor, from a good 4 feet up off the counter, it practically bounced.
At least there's the hard-drive freeze disk thingy that probably saved my harddrive from complete destruction, and there are no visible cracks or anything on the case. At least I'd taken the time in the bathroom to turn it off, and at least I filed the preliminary claim, and I could theoretically file a claim eventually if something goes wrong with it, and heck maybe they'd get me a new macbook pro or something, geez.
Asshole, tell him to be more freakin' careful. Dumbass.

SO
I'm here, at least, sitting near the window, watching acute little american eagle chick write in a card and how she managed to get past that security madness with two water bottles is baffling, for sure.

Bah. Fuddy duddy! At least I'm on my way, and nothing seems to be wrong with my trusty 'puter, nothing that's shown up yet, except it's lack of wanting to turn on right away, that was kinda freaky. Bastard, hope he gets fired.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And, tuesday. After a hot, cold, breezey, nice, kitty, hairy and full of flies night of 'burque sleep on the couch, we went to breakfast and I got another green chile fix, and went to Buffalo Exchange, where I tried on a couple dresses and pairs of shoes for the wedding without any such luck.
There was a movie being filmed on the corner, and they had quite a big lot of lighting equipment, it was kinda interesting to check out.

And, today, copying movies for the future ipod video that I'll get sometime, wasting away my tiny little harddrive with the stolen 2x3 inch vids that will entertain for hours, come that day.

Wheeop. It's nice being back, although Abq. is certainly not home, at least it's a taste of the adobe breeze and weepin willow smell...

toes

SO
Tuesday is a good day for a silly photo of mom:

not like I care

I spent the morning getting rid of that tv- called 2 people and the 2nd came and got it. Weird couple, the lady seemed as if she'd had a rough life and was coming out of the detox phase- scraggly hair and boyfriend who made no eye contact and drove a Dodge Neon. Their email said that she'd recently lost everything in a fire and needed stuff, so I opted to call her, out of the 20 responses I got.

Then, went to check out the couch "collection" from the guy on craigslist, and love it- just have to find a time when either J and I or him and J can go pick it up, anytime before Sept. 9th. It's great- huge cushy gray/charcoal and will fit right in our place.
Put 400 down and the rest later. I know we could find shit for cheaper but this is more mature and nice, and worth it.

Then, the bed dudes came to the old place to pick up the bed, and I tried to get them to take the couch too, but of course they had no truck, a miracle they were even able to strap the bed to the top of their buick.

And then I spent the rest of the afternoon packing stuff up, and on the phone with the landlady and at&t to get a jack in the house working. Dammit. Legally they are supposed to have one working jack in the house- and I even called Larry the Handyman on craigslist to ask his opinion, and he said that all 3 jacks in the house aren't working poses a bigger problem, and I should call the big guns to have them fix it. So, sometime between 8-12 on Tuesday, hope Jefe's home, they'll come down.

Hence the title, like I really care, because I've got trusty old wireless access from trusty ol' unsuspecting who-knows-who.

FUCKin A wish I had a truck to take care of some big shit... slow moving this time, that's for sure.

love.

RFTW

Smudge.

I have to remember to bring back a couple smudge sticks when I go to NM. I just burnt almost a whole one in the new house, it definitely got rid of the new paint latex smell and infused a homely native NM feeling to the place- I saw a "santa fe" style armoire on craigslist, a bit more than I'd want to spend right now, but it was gorgeous and made me homesick for vigas and rounded fireplaces, and the smell of the chamisa burning in every room makes me long for the dust of home...
Regardless this place is coming together, I just wish that jefe were here today and yesterday to help me... it's slightly lonely wishing everyone who enters our home good life health and happiness by myself, but I know that I wished it so hopefully it'll work... ;)
I found myself pushing too hard too much to get a lot done and getting really irritable and even though I've been by myself I get irritated at myself too easily, and so I decided to spend an actual day off, and get some rest not boring myself to death, of course, but chill out and take a break from moving. I'm at the place where I can safely stay at either home but would rather be here- and I'll wait for Jefe to get back before breaking my back on boxes of books and the rest...
Yeh.
➷

phew.

I can't believe how many responses I got for the bed. Easy to give away, easy to sell...
More later, I'm trying to motivate myself with final cut and tutuorials.

\o/ Grinning!

I am smiling so much right now my face hurts!
I made a birthday request at tmbo for uploads of "La" songs - aand they are great!
This one wins.

Mewving AGAIN

New home #3 for San Francisco.
This one will be a sticker, a doosie, the one, the only, and a year lease, so things better work out there... or else!
Ha.
I like it - a lot. Enough to do crazy things in.



Phew.
So laundry is nice. Cleaning is nice. I still haven't done the bathroom yet. Ick.
And- ball game tomorrow. It's the 24th anniversary of me.
Whee
Happy
day
for La
La bee
wheoop de dooep.

Life.

SO
Lots of things going on. Just got home from probably the last time of running around doing errands with good ol' Sparky. I'm VERY happy to have found someone good to give me money for him- to use him and abuse him like a truck should be loved...
Things to do for that: uh, I think just cancel the insurance policy. The guy's going to come by tomorrow at some point just to measure the back for his work box.
What else. Picked up another momocycle project, continually looking for parts now to get that one up and running. I don't really need a bigger bike but, like jefe said, for that amount of money it was hard to resist. Plus I'm going to be learning more about working on it and since riding is becoming much more fun, it's probably going to be a better ride for me in the end, if it's not a lost cause.
Vacuumed, cleaned some stuff in preparation for Dad's visit, but he won't be staying here till next Friday so I'll hold off on washing the bedding till later on in the week... (Isnt' reading about my train of thought and piddly life day to day bullshit so much fun?)
AND
Ball game on my birthday, unfortunately it's not a good day to take off work, too much going on and they need me, and I need this job, so gotta do what ya gotta do.
Then Tomorrow we're going to check out this place on Kirkham; Jefe really dug it and it's open to pets, private garage, huge, and all, so we'll see how that goes!
BLAH BLAH BLAH
The rest of today will be filled with riding up the street to get a lime, some olive oil, some feta maybe, and a dowel or long piece of metal to finally support my plant who's been drooping for far too long on account of my laziness...
Enough of that!
Werd.

da ideas

At Yerba Buena
Sat Aug 5 (12:00 pm - 2:00 pm; 1:00 pm - 2:30 pm) - Percussion with Contacto Musical; Afro Solo presents Jazz in the Gardens

Aug 6th - Spanish Harlem Orchestra @ Stern Grove- free concert 2 pm

Cartoon Art/Music 655 Mission Street
Sat Aug 5 (11:00 am - 5:00 pm)

Rebuilding after the Quake photograph exhibit - dad can do this during the day 8-8
San Francisco City Hall
1 Dr. Carlton B. Goodlett Place

Ball Game Friday night...
Other things up in the air...
?

buy me.

Sparky the Sparkplug Spartacus

waaah.

w00t

Aug 29th @ the Fillmore
Zero 7 with Jose Gonzalez !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

things to dew

with mamma (and dad) During their visit(s):

* Monet at Normandy
* Butterfly Zone
* Dad would like this more than Mom but it's done by the time he gets here...
* Rebuilding
* Tricky
* the deYoung

And more ideas as they come...

that was totally aweschome!

Good times at the Imax. The 3D parts should have been longer and cooler, but shite, it was a killer movie and did satisfaction to the obsessor in me...
Can't wait to see it again... and again...
Happy Birthday Josh...

image of Miss Ariella for M to remember:
La and Arielle in Austin TX

independence?

Hi.
It's a holiday- after a long 3 day weekend, the fourth day is beginning to set in: I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. A part of me does, to earn money to be able to pay for this trip to NM and OK for ariella's wedding... I was just looking at orbitz prices for one way flights from here to 'burque and from okc back here. I'd like to do it- take 3 or 4 days off from work, and hop to it, drive to the wedding with Pace and fly back home the day after. Seems like a good idea...
I'd love for Jefe to be able to come with, but he's definitely justified in thinking that he'd be uncomfortable not knowing anyone there but me. And I'd be off reminiscing with Pace and Arielle and her family about the good ol' days.
And THEN there's Max's bar mitzvah in St Louis the end of October, which I know so soon to the previous vacation I most likely won't be able to take much time off for that one. So I have to think of my prioritites, and family comes first, and it does fall on a weekend, so a short jaunt could be nice.
I wonder if I should just buy the tickets, then request time off, or request time off now, and buy the tickets when I've been approved...
Hm...
Other than travel plans, things have been nice n' cold in the fog as usual, been denied from the S movie twice, and now J's frustrated about it to the point he said, you're on your own... So what I'll do is go down there tomorrow after work and get tickets for the next day's 9pm show, or whenever I know he's not working yet.
I hope that washer guy calls me today. Clean clothes would be nice.
Ciao.

bonafide

I met a cowboy today, he said, "Call me Red. Or, you could call me Mark, but only my Mama calls me Mark, it's my good Christian name." At the cafe by the dentist's office, people were watching the soccer game, and he tall and out of place, spoke in his southern long drawl and gave me his seat, and after some conversation about horses and soccer, and my motorcycle, he told me to come up to his ranch up past Point Reyes where he works his horses... I was amused- his bright yellow and white plaid checkered shirt and big classic floppy cowboy hat bouncing among the laptops and aprons, a city slicker he was not....

Then, I went downtown and got tickets for the big Superman movie on Weds- there'll be 8 of us! I want to get there really early to snag the whole middle of the backmost row, for sure. Bring our own concessions. On the way in, when I was parking my momo on the street, a sweet old black couple pulled up and parked, and as they were hobbling out of their car, asked if I had enough room and then asked how I enjoy this weather, with big smiles on their faces... It was a great random start to the day, Monday...

Got to work, Jason was actually there to my surprise, and the day went by rather quickly... Then got adjusted, rolled, came home to finally grab my honey by the tail and roughhouse till he passed out early, and now I'm watching that western on AMC, (I really have been liking old cowboy flicks lately) and because my head hurts and I know that they all either die or get married, I'm gonnna hit the sack right quick. Yeeap.

PHUCK.

I just came home, went to take a sip of water out of my nalgene bottle, and nearly choked because something disgustingly slimy slipped into my mouth - I spit it out to see it was a half-disolved pill of some sort that I have NO idea how the hell it got inside my water bottle. Fucking someone try to rufie me the other night? WTF? I didn't put any pill inside my own drink, what the fuck is that? It was one of those gelatin do-it-yourself looking herb pill, thank god I didn't swallow it. Damn, that weirds me out.
You know what else wierds me out is the sound guy Mike at work, he gives me the willies. Just lately, too, I didn't like the way he was looking at me and making fun at me, kind of patronizing stare when I was rolling off on my motorcycle. Fuck. What's with that?

Anyway, besides the strange feelings inside, I'm going in to the dentist again at 8 am tomorrow, then going to get some breakfast somewhere, then going to buy tickets for Superman for Wednesday. 1-Me 2-Jeff 3-Jan 4-Cassie 5-Josh 6-Kathy, and I think that's it. 6 x 15 = $90. Daaayyum. Can't wait to see it.

option shift fun for the geek in me

in alphabetical order:

Å ı Ç Î ´ Ï ˝ Ó ˆ Ô  Ò Â ˜ Ø ∏ Œ ‰ Í ˇ ¨ ◊ „ ˛ Á ¸

å ∫ ç ∂ ´ ƒ © ˙ ˆ ∆ ˚ ¬ µ ˜ ø π œ ® ß † ¨ √ ∑ ≈ ¥ Ω

whee

And here's my first attempt at playing with that clay I bought weeks ago... looked at some old sketches from my art class, too, I'm certainly no Monet!

gaw

eeyi yi yi...
Friday is tomorrow! Whoo! Barbeque!
This week went by relatively fastly, work was work, life is life, riding Monty around town is a hoot, and I got my Edgar's seat re-done and it looks great, hopefully it feels as good as it looks- the firm foam is a bit disconcerting but I'm sure it's going to be great- with no shoes on at all I could barely get the balls of my feet on the ground, but with my bewts... We'll see manana...
Ha, bondage simpsons... awesome...
SO - finally got those film rolls developed, and there were some great images on there, some of Twin Peaks and some of the Grace Cathedral, and some of Neb and Julia's wedding... And, some of the backpacking trip Ra and I took to the lost black beaches - awesome stuff... It really makes me want to use film again.
Digital convenience is getting me hung up on ease, and not quality.
I forget, there was other stuff I wanted to write about but I'm blanking... I wish Jefe were here...

pee emm ess

Whoa...
Days like these I desperately want to call in sick. But alas, I have to save those sick days and use them when I really really need them. I am a pile of complaints, but I want to zen it out and use them to benefit - not harm - my day.
Goal: drink twice as much water as I normally would.
Join the JCC.
Kick ass.

*more later* ...

sunday bluddy sunday

Having mate in bed on a lazy sunday morning is the best way to start things off... Father's day comes on a day when the sun is shining brightly through the low layer of fog, and as I complain inside about my ultra-sensitive tooth, I try to push it out of my mind and get myself pumped up to go do stuff. Errands, like get more salad fixings and juice, beer for my babe to dull his brain when he comes home late from working in the hot hot hicksville blues river, and perhaps a long bike ride to the Grove for the summer free concert series...
Regardless, things are once again lazily perfect, and eventually I'll gather my bones up and about, and do something productive... Strange dreams last night made me realize that sleep is overrated, and maybe I'm better off with less than 7 or 8 rather than more.
I'm bummed that I didn't get to surprise R at the airport yesterday, but that's what ya get when you have to travel with a bass the size of texas. Next time.
Current Mood: Lazy dazey
Current Music: Nick Drake- Clothes of Sand from Made Love to Magic

schuper?

So...
It's the weekend, and my hand hurts, my head is kinda dull headachey, I'm doing Jefe's bed laundry, and slept in it last night missing him... I have to quit sleeping in the other room, it makes me feel like a fool and I have to really train myself to be able to sleep heavier and not let his normal movements keep me awake. I'm still taking 5htp and some melatonin to get my schedule back to normal and hopefully help me not be so sensitive to influences keeping me from getting a good night's sleep... It's better being close to him instead of feeling like a 50's couple in separate full beds, in the same room... What a doof.

Anyway, I'll be seeing Josh and Ra today, should be fun- I also want to check the main library again for that Gaiman book, but I need to read the headache book through first, before I get started on a 3rd book...

Can't wait for the schuper movie to come out, if only the stupid theatre wasn't so balls expensa.

Wheeoo

AOL / AIM

Attention all IM'ers... I'm finally trying to retire my AOL name "Ladrillbit" seeing as my dad continuously changes the password on me, and I don't use AOL.

I'll still keep an AIM account: "SchuperLa"



SO: All those that chat with me or care to, please update your chat program for me!

* oink oink *

La's a lazy lazy bum today... The fog is overtaking the outside world, and I managed to read some, vacuum some and clean the bathroom a little bit... Talked to Julian who is still in Berkeley and most likely won't battle the traffic on the bridge to come get his monitor, which gives me another week with it... Not like I use that computer for much other than the occasional dvd-rip and aol-password change, seeing as my Pops is a paranoid android.

Sigh... Last night I leafed through some of my most recent journal entries, which are from over a year ago... Some good stuff, mostly very embarassing and kinda tough to go back to those times, bad times and good times, and times I'd rather not remember in Santa Cruz. I'm so lucky to be where I am right now that looking back at those days just sends me reeling with laughter at what a goon I can be. Now that I have a relatively stable job, a fine home and a life that is average, normal, exciting and full of day to day ick just like everyone else, I'm changed, but still the same old goon I always was, and always will be...

I miss my photography, mostly, but for whatever reason it doesn't seem to be what I'm motivated by anymore. At least, I haven't had the impulse and inspiration to get out and take pics, there's no darkroom yet to use and no little La standing on my shoulder and looking through my eyes to tell me to take this, take that, make it look good on film. Oh! FILM! That's what I'm missing... Yesterday I went to Adolph Gasser and took in those 4 rolls of mystery film to be developed- I'm looking forward to seeing what I took last with my old n80 and olympus. The film aspect of photos are what I want back in my life- the digital empire is overtaking my artistic function and making me computerized and lazy. Just like now how I want to write again, but my wrist and hand hurts after 5 minutes of gripping an old familiar pen, while I can type a helluva lot faster than I can write... Old feelings, but still no excuse.

Anyway... I leant Jan the digicam to take insurance and evidence photos of our late John's crashed motorcycle. Bummer that he had to go and die on 101 but that's the risk we take by travelling, two wheels or four, people do stupid fucked up shitty things on the roads, and I am not one to complain about accidents, they happen and there's nothing I can do about it but be safe, and pay attention.

Ho hum. More shit in my life that I'm procrastinating on: mailing Joe A my tax information, hoping he can dig me out again like he did before, nobody wants to owe the gubbament munnies, and especially me, and it makes me hate feel icky. Money has always made me feel icky. Responsibility, intimidation, burdens, guilt, it is hell. Back to my old argument of how life should be free. We're born and we have to pay to survive. At least it gives us something to do!

So here's an example of what I used to write about my photography:

The art of photography gives me the capability to snatch a moment out of time and put it in a frame. From my eyes to my vision, from the click of the shutter to light being caught on film, my memories are transformed and made valid. It's exhilarating to take a slice of life that catches my sight, save it on a piece of paper the way I see it, and revel in its becoming something different for someone else. I am surrounded by things I want to photograph, I do it for kicks, I do it for life...

summer in the sitty

I am liking living by the ocean. Tonight I can hear the fog horns blowing on ships as they pass each other off the coast. Two different tones and they are loud and echoing as they have a conversation about who gets to go next, and who's closer to shore... I never experienced that till now, and don't really have a comparison, other than hearing the thunder far off in the desert at night or the cicadas chirping their mating songs, or the coyotes howling their joy and their plight to one another.

It's a different world out here. The lack of sunsets often gets to me, as I'm riding through the wind and the fog on my motorcycle home from work in the evening, when if I were back home I would be overtaken by the colors staring me in the face, screaming their beauty from the west, streaks of bright yellow fading into striking pinks, magentas, oranges, the purple mountains majesty reflecting the Van Gogh-esque paintings off their enormousnesses behind me.

I do miss those nights, the way anything white embellishes the shades of insanity, watching the stars and the moon fight the sunset for the most beautiful spot in the sky, like the snow capping Mt. Baldy in the late fall, after he's just been dusted by first desert snow turns bright purple just as the sun ducks below the horizon.

Shucks, now I'm getting all sick for home. Though, there are those nights of splendor off the coast, watching the fog reflect bright orange and the water shimmer with the sun as it follows itself around and around the curve of its incessant orbit. Dogs and their people silhouetted against the moving breezes as they throw sticks back and forth and dig their footprints into the sand, the rhythmic swell of ocean break washing the only evidence of their existence back into the earth.

A sweet life, it is, in La La Land.

week. end.

Freaking windy!
Edgar and I went for a blustery zip across town today to go get Jefe's fork drain screws, and some more fork oil... People are nuts and certainly don't know how to drive well in this city. But that's nothing new. I know I'm guilty at that sometimes too, but getting much better and a tad more skillful at the turns and quick stops. Remove head from sphincter, then drive!
Then I got a hair up my ass and fixed the crack in my front fender, I'll put that back on soon when I go down and switch up the laundry, most likely will have to trick the washer into spinning, the piece of shit. Then I tried to take off those stupid old fairing mounts by the headlight, to realize that the bolts don't screw into anything, so it's spinning when I try to tighten it down, and this sucks balls. The stupid bracket was anchoring the headlight to the mount and now it's not being held in, so I may have tightened up one rattle and started another.
Bah.

don't fool yourself girl

it's going right up your poop chute
rubbin rubbin rubbin rubbin up your poop chute

haha, genius, that frank zappa... this dvd is terrific... =D Some family member of his is playing a tour that ends in San Fran end of June, at the Warfield - I wonder if Rob is working there still, and can get us in? I gottta give him a ring on Friday and have him come by the happyhour, too bad that prefuse 73 got cancelled otherwise maybe I'd have mustered up some kind of energy to go to the Mezzanine for that tonight, shrug.

Anyway, gonna go to bed soon...

dnr

This is a photo of a tattoo that Mary Wohlford, 80, has emblazoned on her chest. Wohlford, of Decorah, Iowa, got the ink in February to hopefully eliminate the possibility of any Terri Schiavo-esque controversy about her medical wishes should she become unable to communicate them directly. From the Des Moines Register (photo by Mary Chind):

If all else fails, if family members can't find her living will or can't face the responsibility of ending life-sustaining measures, she said, then doctors will know her wishes by simply reading the tiny words that are tattooed over her sternum.

"I probably should have had it dated, too," she said.

As it was, the first time she entered Gary's Professional Tattooing Studio, the employee balked, saying he wasn't sure it would be ethical.

"I said, 'OK, but you get these druggies and drunks in here and you do it. Do I look lucid or not?' " she remembered.

The employee still demurred. Shop owner Gary Lietz said he, too, was reluctant, but eventually gave in. Wohlford even talked him into a senior citizen discount.

(from today's boing boing .net)

I admire this woman for sticking to what she wants. I agree that when you get to a point in life where it is only a strain on other people to keep you alive, if you're not enjoying life, just because they love you so much they can't bear to lose you, it makes no sense to waste resources and drag out the inevitable. If anything rediculous ever happens to me, I would wish to move on to a different place, and not live life uncomfortably or unnecessarily, regardless of how badly people want to keep me alive, for moral or conciencious reasons...

y'know...

slow start monday

Damn, today was almost brutal. I wish I could work every day just four hours in the morning and get paid for 8. Then I could ride in the wind and have my head be elsewhere, and y'know...
I am so braindead and I don't really know why... I should stop doing this stupid computer crap and read the rest of that book, or keep getting charged ten cents a day, which as long as I keep it I'll have to keep paying up... I always wondered when they actually make you pay the library fines... it's not like they send you a bill.
At least I don't have to get a root canal, and the dentist man today said he'd find out what was going on with that kid who drilled out my teeth for hours the other day. Hopefully this dental hell will be over soon.
Shit to do:
ugh.
current mood: burnt

one. 1.

That's how many La's it takes to screw in a light bulb.
Just matched the wattage on the paper lamps in our living rooms, and one handed, too! It was simple, and makes me realize that I am getting pretty good at this lighting thing... Ha... kidding...
So it's been a while since I've written shit down, and life in La La land has been, as usual, slightly routine and slightly off-center... First and foremost, tomorrow morning I'm going to waltz into the UCSF dental center and have them figure out my teeth... I'm sensitive to temperatures, even breathing through my mouth is uncomfortable, and libido dampening smells of old people even penetrate into my mouth and make my cavity scream like that Mars bar Paco gave me last week... Regardless, it's time... and afterwards I'll head down to that clinic and get me immunized for the 2nd dose of shots, and maybe call in sick for the rest of the day... We'll see how it goes... A medical mental health day, I could use one.
Other than that, things are ok, I ache all over but that's from stupid incompetent people smashing up against me in overcrowded N trains... What is it with people thinking that wigs actually look good? They'd be so much better off coming to terms with their shiny or patchy heads than the terrible fit and obviously bad toupees...
And what's the thing with long fingernails? Some people just seriously have issues with keeping themselves trimmed and clean and hygienated... Damn, people! Cut that nastiness! Anyway, it was another long commute and unneccesarily stupid because the driver was an idiot and kept raising and lowering the steps and slowing at stops for way too long.
Damn, I wanna get my bike fixed...
What's the deal with speed eating? It's nasty. "The rules of Engorgement..." Ick.
At least this fat-man-walking guy lost 100lbs from California to NY. More people need to do shit like this.
Egads I have tv. It's not like I don't have a library book needing to be read...

visited states

create your own visited states map

this is great

click me for a funny commercial : linkypoo

and I dig this image a bit

and weeks later i resurface

Hi all
It's Wednesday night, and no new episode of Lost. Damn. I want to try that new Dr Pepper flavor.
Really, though, in real life, not superficial TV land, I still breathe on and surprise myself daily, living up to the words my dear maman told me last night, that I do stay calm and reasonable in any situation- and days like yesterday and today when people around me lose their spark and blow up in a self stupid anger bomb that splatters all their shit all over me, I am still able to brush it off, but not before putting on those black latex gloves to protect my nails that I cut so frequently from clawing their eyes out. Work is only work, school is only school, and life is life, is all there is. Just because colleagues have fireants in their emotions, doesn't mean that the colony has to spread outwards...
On a different note, VanCity was a sweet break from it all, and despite the disastrous travel partner and devastating immaturity toward the end, I realized that my partner in crime is desperately the only one I can ever see myself being with, ever never again. I couldn't stop thinking about him at work all day Monday, during all the poopy-pants hell from the boss, or Tuesday, during all the bull from evildoers, and all day again today, I wished to just be at home with him rolling around under the covers and, if they can't see we can't, right. In the midst of all the snuffmakers I deal with day in and day out, barn doors not saftied and predicaments of oddity, I get confused, and just want to come home...
Wierd shit, my life.
So there's the ten minute update. See ya in another month...
j/k.
;)

meh

So
I'm due for an update, I suppose... I've been sick for the past 4 or so days, came down with a crap cold on Saturday before heading out with Jeffey for a night on the town, something the two of us rarely do, it seems I have become more of a homebody after having to go to a routine jobby job 5 days a week...
Regardless of my aptitude for laziness, we went out to his friend Jay's first party at his hippie house, which seems like a cool place to live, although living on the street like that might drive my light-sleepin'-ass crazy day in and day out. We met a bunch of smoking random drunk girls, and I ever so rudely, as Jeffey pointed out, made blatant attemtps at expressing my dissatisfation and ungratitude for their consistent filling of the rooms with ashtray cigarette filth, even if the 8-months preggers singing trapeeze artist drinking Guiness from a plastic cup didn't seem to mind...
Then we went and caught the last act of turntablism over at the Indy, which took me back in memoryland of hiphop and scratchin' and rapping till the wee hours of the night back in nm. Made me want to whip out the old Wave Twisters video, which I'm sure I'll find again at some point during the process of moving...
Moving. Ugh.
I mussed up enough energy to go out to the other house to get some more stuff today, and saw that I did pack Amy's bowel, as she put it, and I can't forget to bring it back to her, or else! I also have to pick up some prescriptions at the walgreens there, even though I not sure that Mama's insurance in NM will cover my eye antibiotics. I hope they give me a mild sedative, or something during the eye lazerizing... I'm kinda nervous. What if it doesn't work?
That would suck.
Anwyay, still sick, but I'll go to work tomorrow and make it back.
jeffey poo come home

current mood:

Weekends are not long enough.

So, Jason got back from his trip today, depressed from the rain and not eager to be at work again. His mood kind of dragged me on, made the day seem longer but we snuck to the cofee shop and bullshitted for a while, and it kept on raining...

At least I'll never have to buy another freakin' pad or tampon again! Having rubber up my cooch is awesome! How come I never heard of these things before now, if they've been around since the '30's? Freakin' disposable wasteful society, dammit!

I came across Aunt Berdie's old stereo camera this weekend while moving boxes upstairs, and sent Jan to get slide film today, at least he stopped in at the camera shoppe for me which was awesome, I should bring it in there and get some film, and start having some fun with it... I need to have Mama send or bring out the viewer and Berdie's old slides, to see if they were really slides or if I need to get some other things... And I also need to figure out if there's a way to digitize it and make it look 3d and cool on a computer screen... It's doubtful...

Anyways, I'm sore, lazy, hungry, and getting warmer... ;-) Cheeerioo!

scott's t shirt ideas

"Soccer mom, take me into your sequoia and suck me!"

"Show me a soccer mom and i'll show you a desparate housewife"

On another note, you know what drives me completely fucking batty? When I'm listening to music- iPod, car stereo, home stereo, computer speakers, you name it- and if my cell phone's in the vicinity, that beeb ebeeb boob bee bee beep doop bee dboop that happens DRIVES ME CRAZY. It makes me think there are frequencies and signals and freaky shit flying through the air and giving me brain cancer. Why does it happen? What's that all about? The other day it happend on the streetcar when the drvier made his next stop announcement. Am I the only one this bugs?



And, you know what else doesn't make sense to my non-computer-geeked out self, how the heck does wireless and wifi work? Why am I able to upload and send images and files and sounds and music and stuff over the air? It's not connected to anything! How do all those 1's and 0's get over the air in a comprehensible fashion, and stay organized from one place to another? It reminds me of Mike TV getting shrunk and sent through the tv airwaves and the millions of trillions of pieces all finding their places back together at the end. It confuses me and confounds me. Am I breathing the pictures I post on themaxx? Am I being bombarded in the hallway as I pass in front of the wireless router and between my computer? Ghad.

I made it ...

I survived another week... I never looked forward to a Friday so much as today... sigh... Things are good, I'm going to start packing up some boxes this weekend, do laundry, go through some clothes and maybe try to sell some at Crossroads... I hope I sleep better tonight, after waking up every hour it is draining me of energy, and those fish n' chips really did not sit well in my tummy, I feel pretty heavy and icky... After the happy hour tonight I'm ready to go to bed early... I'll prolly be passed out by 10!
It's too bad that I lost that auction for that lens... but had I gone any higher with my bid I would have ended up paying more than I'd like. I'll keep an eye out, though...
'nite.
current mood:

hell.

damn. today was freaking crazy. i am so so so so tired but strung up and don't understand why my feet hurt and my hands hurt and my head hurts and my wrist hurts and my heart hurts, because i am distraught and stressed. fucking hell. actually in all reality it wasn't that bad. all i know is that i need to only have one job, and pa'ing is not where i want to be. the photography is ok, but you know what, i need more training with that camera and i don't understand why i'm supposed to search thru hundreds of photos on the tiny screen because my card reader doesn't do justice on jason's slowest machine in the building. and why all the noise? i don't know that camera, i don't like that camera, and i sure as hell don't like being there all day long. god.
i miss the shit out of jeffey, i should have gone down with him, but i am really looking forward to the road trip next month, and i'm stoked to be moving in with him, too, i like the neighborhood ok, not any better or any worse than out here, though i do want to get a cooler place in the city somewhere with a yard for a dog, and a garage for all the other pets... anyway, i'm really not looking forward to tomorrow, although it will be busier, with 4 fucking shoots, i won't be pa'ing, which i really can't do when i need to do lighting. i have to tell lisset that i'm not down with pa'ing unless jason's around to take care of the rest. i mean, kenny's cool and all, but i was just a bit overwhelmed. and with 4 rather large shoots tomorrow, goddamn i'll look forward to friday for the simplicity... and to next week, when my hunny comes home to me...

Tku, Morpheus....

Very very strange dreams last night, I dreamed that Mary and I were drving along with a lot of stuff in the back of my truck, along some messed up post-construction highway and flipped over, then I had to climb a tree while she gathered stuff up off the ground. I got stuck up in the tree, full of fear, which is kinda strange because I usually am ok with climbing trees. This one freaked me out, though. I got reallly high up in it but couldn't find a good way down. I think I fell asleep up in the tree waiting for the rescuers, and there I dreamed about kissing J's chest, then when I woke up I had been sleeping next to the tree.
Then I dreamed about Tory, he was having a hard time finding means to make a living in a Mud-world, borrowing and mooching off of neighbors. Then he was making me green chile steak salad things for breakfast, I ate them messily over the sink, and he was the bus driver for my fourth grade field trips with Coach K. Even though Coach K was 7th grade, and brushing my teeth with Green chile probably isn't very smart. Steven said he gave me good tortillas and my mom was there, too.
Damn, my dreams are WEIRD.
Weird.

ho hum

I'm sweeeeepy...

Patty cake patty cake

Irish brew is good brew

... Who taught the blind guy to smoke? I was outside, smoking my own, and looking across the street at this blind guy talking to someone, waiting on the street for a ride. I saw him take out a Marlboro from his pocket, light it, smoke it... wondered, how did he get into it? Was he 10 years old, like me, smelled it, wondered what the hell that horrible stench was, someone had to have explained to him what it was. When I was 10 it sounded so foreign, why the hell would someone want to suck and breath burning plants, what's the point if it makes you sick and smell bad, teeth orange and cancer to die. So, did someone light one and put it in his mouth, to get him forever hooked on a habit that is probably next to heart disease the number one killer, the most unnattractive and perplexingly satisfying addiction? I hate it. On a day like today, when I started drinking at work because of a stupid holiday that makes me feel out of place, pinched and immature for not wearing green, bullshit, I want to indulge, and it makes me wonder. Too many people I know and care for are druggies for cigs. Fuckers. And I have no excuse. It just made me wonder, watching him delicately and systematically light his cig, wonder who first gave him that one, wonder if he blames them like I blame my friend in high school and my mom for making me flush hers down the toilet.

QUIT, you smoking bitches!! (yes and that means me, too...)

Oh what a day..

Dear Diary,

This is another snippet of the drama in the life of La... I spent an hour at the crApple store last night, got the memory swapped out of my iBook and now it feels considerably faster... While I was waiting for all the hardware tests to run, the Genius guy was a bit busy, with people coming in with laptop problems, but mostly iPod problems. There was a boy with a mini that didn't work anymore, and the mom wouldn't spend the 30 bucks for him to get it replaced... Lame. Then some jackass came in trying to get his week-old video replaced, because the screen was scratched up, which of course had to be a manufacturer's defect... asswipe. Anyway, I'm glad I don't work there... I almost was thinking about getting a job there when I moved up here last summer, and I am so glad I don't have to work in retail anymore, for now...

I took a helluva lot more photos today, on my feet all day running around all over the place. I seriously felt the exhaustion in my bones, lack of energy after a day long spent hectic and insane, I think I'll sleep like a rock tonight.

On the other most preoccupiying note, I just let the soon-to-be-ex-housemates know that I'm leaving them, and they took it sweetly well. I will miss this place, with its coldness and drafts, it's basement monster, it's moldy character, but it will be an incredible move, to enter this new realm of life... He's right, saying, why not jump on this opportunity now as it shows itself, no better time than the now, to start the rest of our lives, today... It's going to be hard, fun, wierd, great, terrible, and sticky, but most of all it'll be life, and I can really make a home, to call "ours". I think the timing will be just fine, after all.

Oh, and Dad had another kidney stone. Remind me to drink lots of water.

Phew...

sick of it

I gotta frickin stand up for myself. This shit is getting lame, I have no balls, and I have to learn how to make up for it. Damn. I got ripped off today at some electronic store downtown, because I didn't know what I wanted, just knew I wanted headphones. Fucker said these go for $99, so I'll give them to you for $45. I put them on, and turns out I have to turn the volume waay up for them to sound great, which they do, of course, awesome, actually... But then I come home to realize the asswipe ripped me off. What did I expect? A deal? Yeah fucking right. MSRP is $34.95 and they go elsewhere for $20. Dickface. So tomorrow I plan on marching in there, talk to a different salesman, and explain that I don't want to go deaf to have it sound good, that I didn't realize I don't need these DJ headphones to listen to my normal music. I do, of course, but not for pride. Truth is, I like the badass shure ones I own, but I really miss those old Sony's that broke. They sounded better, and the ear things are making my inner canals itch and hurt, they're getting more sensitive from the consistent earplugs... I should have gotten the ones I knew I wanted in the first place, so I'll let them exchange them for me, on one condition. "Do you have internet here? Yeah? Can I show you something?" Then I'll pull up Froogle, and show the assholes how they ripped a harmless innocent dumb ass like me off, after he's given me my money back, of course. Meh. If it doesn't work, fuckit. I'll sell them on ebay or something. What a mood to go to sleep, with. EGAD I HATE THIS FUCKING COUNTRY, with love.

Current mood: pissed, obviously, hard to fall asleep.

been a while

Hey blahg. I haven't written in quite some time, and intermittently I feel the urge to splurge on screen here and let loose the tongues of war, spilling all the juicy tidbits of life in La La Land... Truth is, nothing too interesting or inspiring has let my briain bring me back to the attitudes of yore, the splurgitude, the desire to tell all see all do all be all. So, instead, i live life day to day and have all but nearly forgotten that satisfaction I get sometimes from simply breaking it all down on paper. When was the last time I picked up a pen, or even logged on to write about it all?

So where to start? The most prominent thing on my mind lately has been the big one, the big L, the all encompassing life long desire, satisfying and emotionally wracking, the big heart thumping moon bumping leg humping love... as usual, it envelops me and smothers me with drenching cool tears of the only thing I don't know how to deal with, let alone describe what it does to me... being in this state is like keeping a secret, letting it take me in its hands and control my every move at its whim, the big L. I surprise myself with how incredible I let myself feel under its massive control, and the realize that I'm behind the wheel all the time, just driving on autopilot.

ASSHOLE computer, I just had a massive amount of typing down and text edit freakin QUIT on me, damn. Well, all that writing wasn't for nothing. The gist of it was- i'm still in love, evermore so, it's freaking wracking my mind with intensity and all i can do is writhe with it drowning me with awesomeness. And some other stuff, too. I'm not going to bother writing out everything I said earlier, I talked about my job and how it's getting better and it's raining and stuff.

Anyway, things are dreary and in the doldrums, only because I feel the need to breathe by myself for one night, it's a different thing getting used to going to work and being upbeat all the time, it's nice to chill in my room, on my softy bed, in the hot breeze of the heater blowing little hairs all over the place, to know that I have someone out there, thinking about me and knowing I'm thinking right back.

Sheeze!!

vampyre

whoa. that's totally how i feel when i try to wear makeup. like i'm invisible in the mirror.

... wish i was, sometimes.

mm, choklit

more here: (thanks tmbo)

crashes

osx unexpectedly quit for the 2nd time in a week
first time was tuesday the 3rd (i think) and now today
WTF
then when i restarted it made a sound like a "boop" kinda like a doorbell or somehing. meh. maybe it was the doorbell. the i ran techtool and it said all was good.

on another note: I wish i was this excited about life allatime...

10 February 2005

I realize it's been a while since I've posted anything of content or quality, and I've had such the day that makes me really wonder why I even keep this site up to date, if any effort is taken on my part to bother with it at all whether it's worth it.
I check up on my Stats every once in a while, on a free javascript bullshit page that is littered with ads and doesn't neccessarily tell me anything of consequence about the people who visit and read up on my day to day doldrums. Somone from Romania, the Ukraine, the UK. Nigeria, and a helluva lot of some person in Dublin, CA visit my blahg regularly. But, who are they, and who really cares?

Anyway... today was a good-ish day, got up early enough to make a decent breakfast, which was a bit too heavy for my good, but the train ride again uneventful and I realize now it was a good move to not ride the Zeph to work, seeing as I was overtaken by anti-meatloaf after effects from the Chieftain. Good food at the time, bad repercussions that unfortunately made me feel like heading straight home after setting the crew up for the Happy Hour and skipping out on the family and friends over at the Zeitgeist. Dammit, I sure wish I'd picked a basic salad or something half-healthy instead of something that would end up making me miss out on quality funness on a Friday night... Sorry, guys, didn't mean to be a pooper, again... but you know me, general poop-out-er on practically every rare occasion to have a good time.

Fuck.

Oh well- at least I have comfort here at home, with teh Documentary about how shitty Wal-Mart treats the world, and uh, water...? I need to go to TJ's tomorrow to stock up on Reed's brew, salad shite, good stuff for lunches like those tamales and Indian grub , maybe I should make a green chile stew for better hearty breaffases. Yeah yeah.

Damn, I wonder how the heck Pace is doing?! Bitch. Miss the living shit out of her. I ought to call her dad or something and hunt her down. I just sent a shot in the dark email to her, we'll not expect anything, as usual and hope for the best.

So- here's a shot of the bar at the palace- many of you may have already seen it on themaxx, but for some reason my trusty ol' time-waster isn't loading itself tonight... Damn bandwith. Maybe I should paypal another couple of dollars to the cause... Anyway, I figure it's a pretty neat shot and a good example of some of the lighting that has been done there, and is now mine to keep up. I like the contrast of this shot. All I did was place my new old Elph 400 on one of the bar tables and turn off the flash, catching Kelly in the corner and that bald bartender doing his thing silhouetted against the blue squarelights... tonight another lamp blew over the dj booth, and Damn short-armed me let Chris D do the gaffing, technically my job, because the ladder was placed badly, not by me, of course. He is super hands on and I do appreciate that he stepped up to lend me his height, but why the hell do I have the job if I can'd do it well? Meh. Whatever it doesn't bother me, really. That's what taller ladders are for, and calcium supplements.

Signing out.

Freak cat

Mrow

a verry happy unbirthday to mee to mee

I'm 23 and a HALF today. Whee.

I'm watching Cry-Baby, possibly the greatest John Waters movie, starring a young lip-syncing Johnny Depp, that I've seen yet. It's awesome; a total work of art. "Too young to be square... Too tough to be shocked... Too late to be saved..."


I just got an email from my friend Adam, he's not doing too swell. I wish we had another room for him here, then he and Amy both could be in fibro land together, and Jan could help him fix up his Zephyr to sell for some dough. That's rough, I hope he finds some ideas and some luck flies his way... I commend him on his choice of email signature quote:

"It was like an emergency ward after a great catastrophe; it didn't matter what race or class the victims belonged to. They were all given the same miracle drug, which was coffee. The catastrophe in this case, of course, was that the sun had come up again." -Kurt Vonnegut

what fresh hell is this??

My cursor has a booger. Strange.

Meh. Nothing really to write, other than work is getting tedious to find shit to do when Jason's not there, but Kenny and I have been keeping ourselves busy with piddly shit. At least tomorrow's free lunch friday, and then drunkeness with my hunny at greyboy, hopefully if he's into seeing them twice in two days. And a three day weekend next week, then Jonathan comes to town the weekend after that. That'll be cool, going out dancing and meeting whoever his friends are in the city. Word.

I should watch that Johnny Depp movie that's sittin in my dvd player. Mebbe. I think GreenCine lost my last dvd I sent in because there aren't anymore coming. Bah.

Another day, another dollar. At least I got the Montalvo check, and a silly email from Tony about some Valentines day screening of the Corpse Bride, for all losers with no lovers. I wonder what we'll do for that day? I don't much care for it, but that's prolly because I've never had a lover on the day before, anyway.

We'll see. Ok that's enough of that.

And, WTF? www.stillsight.com got 28 hits today. 25 unique visitors. Where the hell did these people come from??

/La.

just another day

Uh, is that really an adam's apple????

happy new year

Woof woof.

I'm a dog, I wonder if this makes it some kind of birthday for me...

I want a dog. I want a house, with a yard, and a big goofy slobbery friend who cuddles and stuff. Yeh. I talked to my mom a while ago, she said that Sesame was hit by a car on Thursday. He's ok, though, just has to take it easy for a week or so. Freakin' pound people didn't believe that he was Robin's, and they said he still had his nutsack (a lie) and that he was 5 years old, but he's only 2. I'm just glad the pup isn't bleeding in his guts or have any broken bones, sucks that he can't go hiking or anything but at least he's not smushed for good.
Freakin' death man... Leslie Davis died this morning, according to Mom, who was struggling with cancer for 5 years or so. I remember her being so athletic and hardcore, she must've fought like hell. And Rena's husband Rich with a heart attack this weekend too, damn. Life is wierd.



Anyway, I'm chilling on my only day off, at least yesterday was a chill work day, and not hellish loading in or out, and glad I had my laptop to kill time with backstage. I wonder why it freaked out and crashed in the middle of a task, "OSX quit unexpectedly", whatever that means. If it does it again I guess I'll try resetting the PMU and the PRAM and all that good stuff, and take advantage of my applecare if it does it still. No sign of it since last night, though...

Food.

poem

oh may it come
the time of love
the time we'd be enamored of
i've been patient too long
my memory is dead
all fears and all wrongs to the heavens have fled
while all my veins burst with this sickly thirst
oh may it come the time of love
the time we'd be enamored of
oh may it come
the time of love
the time we'd be enamored of

arthur rimbaud

What, me? A job? Whoa.

After I go get a drink of water, I'll sum up my day...

Aah. El agua es muy buena. Snoring roomates make me tired... I woke up multiple times last night with varying strange dreams, one of which consisted of J and I shopping in bargain bins in a huge marketplace for who-knows-what with strangers, many overweight people whom I don't think I've ever met before, and doing some kind of our normal end of production work at a theatre that looked somewhat like the Rio but much more like a circus... Sometimes my dreams are just so bizarre, there are slight connections with subconcious things that are going on in my life, but are so whacky that they just are fun to be in, but make little sense when I remember them in the morning... And when I think back on them, have minute mental flashbacks, I really think I must be going nuts sometimes. I like my little cloud, I'm at home here, people know me...

Life in La La Land has certainly taken a turn for the... uh, different... recently. If someone a couple of years ago would have told me that I'd move to San Francisco to do lighting full time in a studio with over 12 complete sets, I would have looked at them in disbelief, and said, yeah, that'll be the day. And, hired on the same one year anniversary of my boss Jason's first day on the job, ironically, here I am, dropped out of city college for the semester, and attacking a career path I was never really sure about in the first place. But, like my mind and heart has been telling me, there's no way to know for sure unless you try it out, and I can look at this as a surprising opportunity, in disguise or not, could be incredible and could be disastrous. It will be what I make it to be, with all the effort on my part to kick ass and learn gargantuan amounts of information about the film industry and either walk away with an even bigger and better job, or some idea that maybe I'm seriously nuts for doing this and should just stick to school and the design/editing/photojournalism/insanity route that I'd almost decided on before...

All I can say is I'm bouncy happy that this opportunity presented itself when it did, nervous, scattered, excited, and a multitude of other emotions, 'course... I'm most aware that my lifestyle is going to be severely altered, having the schedule of M-F 10:30-6:30 could be badass and could be hell as well... and I'm sure sometimes it'll be both... Damn, now I really wish I didn't take that gig at the Fox this Sunday. Oh well.

So, wish me luck, friends, strangers, anyone who's reading...

I also managed to formulate a slightly different idea for the front page of stillsight, to the best of my html knowledge, I think I'd like to do something like this: beta index page with a button linking to a page with a list of all the galleries, or the flash thing. If I stick with SSp, then I would have to scrap the cambodia, holidaze, and porsche galleries and that would take quite a bit of work to alter it back into the SSp. Plus, there's the fact that I only have Flash on my desktop, and don't feel like being a pirate anymore. Arrrr, the trials and tribulations of being indecisive with lame website portfolio design. Anyway, any input is greatly appreciated. And, of course, the aforementioned link is non-functioning, it is solely for brainstorming purposes...

Whee.

worthy words (last nite)

"pressed pork parts"

"hot dog is the particle board of the meat world."

(Jeffey on the fabrication of the lips and assholes we know of as frankfurters...)

our guv

good ol' arnie rides his harley w/o a license, for years, gets away with it because the sidecar makes it a 3 wheeled vehicle...

Uh ... yeah.

woo

It's about freakin' time I get my grades in!! In good academic standing, they say... I need to go talk to a counselor so I can figure out what I have that's transferrable and what isn't, how much time left I really have at City before I have to get down to the nitty gritty, pick an official major and start talking to State so I can transfer, and get on with my so called life, and make a real career out of being a lazy ass floating on cloud nine.

Today was cleverly full of strange feelings of sickness deep down inside, confusion as to what I'm really doing with my life here, bliss sleeping in late in my hunny's warm bed while the sun sneaks in and barely warms the chill of the room and my bike soaks in the fog outside... I went for a short little ride to Bev's and got straps to make my tank bag into a backpack, spent $11.99 on it. And got a spicy noodle salad for lunch, then briskly buzzed around and realized that I have to lean into my turns and not be such a scaredy cat about higher speed turns. It's easy shit I just have to let loose and follow through and let my body just be in control, the wheels do their own thing and all will be good...

Then I came back home and like on a roller coaster I was hit by the same kind of mood that is all too familiar, the one where I almost feel anxious about stepping foot out the door, all I wanted to do was curl up and read, ignore the reality that is sometimes overbearing, mentally I had a big fat fart (my body) and I felt like J must have a few weeks ago, the thundering darkness of depression pushing down on my shoulders and my stomach bubbling with acidic fear... It's not exactly a comforting thing, feeling like that... I put in the Neverwhere DVD that had just arrived, only to be very disappointed with bad budget british television, and ended up sleeping through it, waking up to my breath's iciness, visible in the lack of warmth of my room.

Then I said phuket... I told myself multiple times yesterday that I ought to get a mango, since it was being phantomly craved on my dulling tastebuds, so I walked to the mailbox, to the grocery, got some celery and peanut butter (also having been craved from the previous nights' conversation) and a mango... Came back, made a BST, then proceeded to redo my entire slideshow, painstakingly finally figuring it out, and it looks ok. I scrapped the Flickr one, and figure it's ok for now, till I get bored and dissatisfied again...

And, now, I'm on a crest declining down the roller coaster, it's been up and down, up and down, all day, and all I want to do again, is curl up and veg out, ... damn I wish J wasn't working, to have him cuddling up next to me would be subliminal...

sigh....

flickr

new site slideshow using flickr this time... i think it works...

and... installed the new battery in eager edgar, started up super strong like a charm... can't wait for the sun to dry up all the rain so i can play... and, there's a tank I'm watching on ebay for $1.50 right now, that's cheap. It's over in a day. We'll see if it gets bidded up like crazy...

laundry, reading, movies, photos, correspondence... what fun for a dreary saturday.

mood: eh, so so, feet are cold but glad to be home
music: iTunes is crashing, no music for me... 'puter won't sleep, wakes up when i say not to, i wanna laptop,
waaaaa

home again home again

... jiggity jig.
Feels good to be back in the humidity, full of moldy smells and the chill of my room doesn't crack my lips, my skin isn't too dry all the time and my views are full of blue and green... not just brown...
I called this Argentinian gift shop today asking if they sell mate, and he said to come down and he'll tell me where to buy it... I hope I can find some for a reasonable price, not 3 times what I should be paying for it... I'm almost out tho so I should get some locally instead of buying online, if I can...
Things are good, things to do, things to see.... Amy's bringing me home a battery, sweetness... Got 2 out of my 3 books for next semester, still no grades posted, bastards. I should be a sociology major, according to this stupid quiz I took, makes sense...
The trip home was good, more about that after I warm up and unpack, and do laundry.
Ciao!

Powder

Happy new yr from colorado