Los Cuates

I'm yearnin for good cuisina nuevo mexicana... Good thing I bought Mom's tickets to come visit me in a couple of weeks, and she'll come toting tons of green chile, I sure hope...

Dug up this old shot of me at Los Cuates on Lomas- that's the first spot I plan on stopping as soon as I get home for the holidays.

Things are ok- the past couple of days have been a blur of feeling very strange and not quite knowing what's going on inside my head or my skeleton- Halloween is tomorrow and I don't think I could give a smaller shit about it, but I do remember the fun we used to have as kids- now it's just a very strange reason for frat kids to party and people to drive like assholes.

Today I ended up going to the gym for 3 hours and sweating buckets, it felt good... tomorrow I want to ride my bike up to school and then ride through that park off 19th that I've yet to check out. They have jazz there on sundays in the summertime, I figured if today looked and felt anything remotely close to being as sunny as today then I'll zoom down there on the pedal pusher (not good ol' edgar) and build up that self worth. ! (that's it! that's what's missing! and frickin' POT makes it disappear! no wonder...)

So, things to do are as follows:

- Read chapters about venus and mars for science class. Work on shitty homework (due Friday I think)...
- Write paper for Broadcast class.. due the 3rd.
- Read Psych.
- Read for English the case study.
- drink more water.

and sleep. ah, and yeah I guess I'll try to smile.

people are stupid

I have to admit I'm a little pissed that out of 3500 entries, the bbc photo department did not pick one of my photos to be one of the top 12. And out of the photos they did pick only four I thought were good photos.
It's the same thing as a seasoned sound-man audio engineer who's done over 10,000 shows gets desensitised to seeing concerts. It's like I look at photographs with such a critical eye that it makes it hard to just enjoy it for what it is instead of have some kind of conviction and be offended when measly little mine seem exponentially better than theirs. Damn.
Ok I'm a lot pissed. People are stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. And I'm selfish. Yep.

pissing my pants of emotion

frickin brilliant, grant!
you rock.

link: Vers Despondre

impecable listening. aah,....

so glad

... that I don't live here anymore...
As I spend time so stiff in caffe pergolesi, with a hard ass bench beneath my sore behind, I have a lady familiar sitting behind me, cutting and pasting and being so crafty, glad she's not being her bossy self and I'm not schlepping boxes around right now with her at the civic...
And across the room on the far side are Chip and Ron, the latter of the two doesn't remember who I am even though I've handled his lights and circuited his boards a couple times before... and Chip says yes the Attic does have wireless, "you might be able to get it from here" but the signal here isn't even that strong.
Regardless, my mind is blank and writing this paper seems like the hardest thing in the world to do right now, so hard to focus on evolutionism and creationism, when all I really want to do is get back in my warm bed...
hmm...
It's odd seeing so many people I know and have worked with in the past not saying g'bye and hope I never have to see you again, that look in their eyes, a glare and stare hidden behind dark glasses...
I miss it but I don't. I miss it but I won't. I miss it but I can't afford to desire it, like I desire the familiar past of New Mexico mountains and sky, the night lights like flickering fireflies buzzing around so prominent like moths just asking to be killed, clapped between my hands and set free of their annoying existence... heh.

i'm still a foghead

I have to sympathize with Chicken Little... on days like today I really do feel like the sky is falling, that the steam rising from the heat of millions of people running around like crazy on the ground rises, only to fall back down to earth...

As I rub my feet together in their disheveled and decrepid slippers to generate some heat, the familiar ol' cheetah print fuzzy footseys that I've worn for years and hold in most high esteem, I yearn for thick curtains to block out the impending doom of winter. For some reason I've been transported back in my imagination to a dry and barren land, of high altitude and heavy clouds full of snow. White, gorgeous, fluffy and cool snow, the smart stuff, the stuff that comes down, floating through the polluted air to land and stick and smoke till it dies...

I miss snow... I feel betrayed by my own choice to live here, in this tricky environment, where wheather makes no sense and is so foreign to me- like I'm permanently on leave from reality in a wet world where the sky choses to fool me by looking like winter, when really I know it won't ever be a true winter...

I woke up this morning to look out the window and be fooled again by my curtains and the trees outside, at first I was excited that I actually saw some blue peeking through, then as time continued to move forward as it always does, I realized that I was not in such luck... I feel like I've holed myself up inside where it's half-warm and half-cold for too long, days on end... where one day melts into the next with no variety... Yet it's rediculously tough to tap into that hidden motivation to put gas in my busted up trusty Edgar Elephante and buzz around this foggy city. The city that will eventually fall into the ocean...

I want to take my "euphemism" as Uncle Greaseball dubbed the love of my life, hide in a room full of hot steam and hold him so tight that we become the moon... Up in interstellar galactica where nothing like the stoopid weather can make us feel like we're ever miles apart. Sometimes one or two days feels like eternity, and I can't see the moon through the clouds no matter how hard I squint my squeaky eyes... but everything I know and trust in tells me it's still there.

It's pretty intense how the influence of temperature and breeze outside my window makes me mood crazy. Slightly productive, I've written my extra credit assignment up for Astronomy and done some minor changes with the website, and I've got a list of things to do a mile long as ususal... Still - all I feel like doing is soaking in a hot hot hot tub of precious water, but I know that my water heater can't heat up the water hot enough to satisfy... I want it so hot it'll scald all the bruises off my body, dissolve all the dead skin into smithereens, soak through my chest and infiltrate me with energy and cleanse me so thoroughly it'll be like I've got to start from scratch. I want to take a breath of air and feel what it's like for the very first time, fresh with none of this crap that contaminates my lungs... and mind... and soul...

I feel.... strange... to say the least.

yay

I gotta A- on my last paper! and a A+ on the presentation!
wheeeoooo!!!!!!!
;)

RRRAAAGGGGEEOICNCIN

I"m pissed and frustrated. Something appened with my slideshow and I messed it up big time that the audio plays right away and IT"S DRIVING ME BATTTTTTTY
I can't figure out why the heck it woul play that track right away
nothing is showing up odd in my XML, nothing is turned on or off in the flash document taht would make it do it like htat
and NODBODY cares
argh.
he heee
i need to chill out about it and do some schoolwork.

update: fixed it...

super duper lighting

ah, supes in the sun...

wheeoop.

Hurm...

What's going on in La La Land lately... I have a dry cough. I'm cold in my house, and I'm contemplating whether I should take the midterm (2 hours online) before or after making salad for myself... I suppose after would be a good idea, to have some energy focused both at my stomach and at my brain would be beneficial. Also I wish some of the classical music on the iTunes radio wasn't so freakin cheezy. I just want some quality Mozart and Vivaldi, not silly harpsichordal elevator junk they're passing off as easy relaxation music. Too peppy and chintzy to be good study music. Ick.

Eager Edgar Elephante Apfeffeles! If I get my midterm done tonight then I'll take him out for some practice practice practice manana with the roomey... Yeeay.

And if this stoopid cough doesn't go away then I will go back to the SHC on Monday after class. Missed my chance today, I was too hungry to stay on campus and wait for an appointment.

Ivey called again today- makes me think that if he's reaching out so much and calling that he really must be having a hard time in NM or something. I hope she's not trying to beat him up.

OK salad and study and midterm and then read some science. Yay.

UPDATE - 8 pm: Midterm exam grade: 69 correct out of 70 = 98.57% !!!

foto lab

I wish I was in a photography class right now...
I'll definitely sign up for one next semester. No doubt about that.
I have some film to process, and I want to be in that again, the chemicals on my hands, the smell of stop-bath on my clothes, the dark light penetrating my brainwaves...
In the meantime, I need to find some place in the city that won't rape me for pricing, and will do a half decent job printing up some 4 x 6's and a photo-cd, and doesn't kill my film or lose it like Walgreens would...
Any ideas, pals?
Also, I think it's rediculous that I ask the internets blindly questions, and expect someone to actually comment back? Noone cares...
I'm gonna go eat some worms.

don't quite know

What do I think of this? Dunno... I've had ferrets named Lois and Clark before, but to name an actual child Kal-El??
That's a bit much...

cough cough, wheeze wheeze

Rgh. I am full of compalints right now. As my chest feels like it weighs a ton, my pores feel clogged with muck and all the tea and vitamin c in the world could do nothing but make me woozy. It was rediculously hard getting out of bed this morning, but with Jan's obnoxious horn honking blow of a nose multiple times in the shower, and the Basement Monster blasting good ol' oldies as usual, I almost had no choice but to bear it and budge. Damn, it was hard, but now that I'm up I'm back down again, now sitting in the liv' room trying out the iBook.
I want one! I so don't need one, but it's tough telling yourself that what you want is not really something that you need, and you really should save the money that isn't even yours in the first place to just finish paying off the last big splurge you did...
Anyway... Ivey called again yesterday and he didn't sound too happy about getting married... can't say that I blame him. With all his tough-love past experiences it's almost as if he doesn't know anything different, and marrying a homocidal psycho maniac freak of a bitch is just another way of him feeling loved because she needs him, when in all reality she's the worst possible match for him.
Lemon tea mixed with ginger tea = yummy.

phone pix

dinner last night
supes in the sun

mm... cake...

I just made my favourite cake - the poppyseed sherry butterscotch cake... mm... dinner tonight's going to be fantastic! Too bad I have a freakin' paper to focus on too, otherwise I'd be seriously cookin' up the rest right now. I'm marinating the meat, and will steam the greens when the meat is broilin'... I'm wondering if I even want to do the salad thing- we'll see... Couldn't hurt to make it, I guess.

My keyboard is sticky.

sunday bloody sunday

Seems it's been a while since I've written anything here... A lot has been going on in my life lately and I just haven't had the patience to even think about things, for some reason... My mom's in Cambodia and since I haven't heard from her yet I'm assuming that she's fine, prancing around probably one of the tall ones at her booming 4'11", helping orphans build their new school, or whatever it is she's doing over there. So, I'm only slightly worried that things aren't going as planned for her but I know that she'll be fine with whoever the young photographer girl she went with, who should be me...

Anyway... I have another paper due in my English course on whether or not Muslim American women are gaining more rights and freedoms here than they would have in other countries, and I have to brainstorm a bit about it before I really get cooking on the paper. I don't think that they really are aside from the natural basic rights of freedom that any person once they become an American citizen is granted. They have equal rights to practice religion as anyone else in the country, they have just as much opportunity to grow and prosper in their personal and professional lives as any other American, and they have access to the legal system's protection from discrimination or domestic abuse, etc.,... In the middle east, more and more women are gaining rights there as well, with more women being trained to fight for their individual communities' causes, and more freedom of choice regarding the religious requirements to wear the hijad or allow their husbands to have multiple wives, yet of course it is easier here as there is less daily bombing and other atrocities, and more protection from violence than the media might allude to nowadays... I think I've got plenty to go on with that... Goal- done by Tuesday night, revised and completed to turn in by Wednesday. I got an A- on the last one!

I just freakin' hope that one of these days soon dammit, my Life in the Universe textbook will arrive. I can't believe I spent extra money on "expedited shipping" to have it still not here a month and a half later. Sheesh. Lame.

And, in other parts of La La Land- I sent a message to Adam the other day regarding my busted right hand mirror, and hopped into the Zephyr-Zone for a second, to find out that a well-known Bay Area rider had been misisng and ended up sending her bike and herself off a cliff last week... Bummer. The website he'd set up was a treat- the photo of the ocean from between the fallen bike's handlebars, the messages from friends and family... Even though I didn't know her, the photo of the turn-out where her helmet and gloves were found and the red mark where her body and bike was found hundreds of feet below really made me ... I dunno, sick to my stomach, I suppose....

I just have to be safe. Really really careful and conscious. And, if either myself or anyone I really care about gets to that point of reeling ourselves of a cliff, by gosh, we better be sure of it, and do it well... At this point in my life when I really know nothing else but the fact that I'm in love and living a great life in a foggy city, I can only hope for the best and send out my love to those who need it, all over the goddamn planet.

Current mood: Shucks.
Current music: "Counting off the Days" by ...And you will know us by the trail of dead - The secret of Elana's tomb.