hah oh what a day

w000000t. I just found out I got a 90 on the midterm, which means I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE FINAL which is kind of odd up to me... as if just showing up to class and doing ok on the midterm means I really learned everything? Whatever. No complaints.

I just sent out another response to craigslist. This one sounded sweet. Closer to school than the other ones, but further from the center of action...

Man oh man.

The balloon contest was hillarious this moring. About half hour after the chaos ensued a bunch of kids from an elementary school came and this Tony guy had them riled up to pick up the balloon crap, it was awesome. Nobody got smacked with one... that would have been funny... Anway I think I got some good interviews, if only my freakin' battery hadn' t gone dead as soon as the kids started coming to see the design. Damn, another drawback of digital.

Word.

La life.

Ok, here's what's going on in my life right now. First off, it's Monday. Yesterday I worked 10 hours and neglected to do any studying for finals, or continue researching for the major 6 page paper that is due on Thursday. Only a week of real classes left and then it's off the books until June 20th. I'm excited for that, and as long as I can get the ball rolling on this paper today, I should be good. Theoretically on Thursday morning I've got to go cover this water balloon tossing contest with the Engineering courses, so today I should do some preliminary contacting of the professor and all, and (it just dawned on me) I should cover it not only as a reporter for an online exclusive, but as the true photojournalist I am, and multitask by using it for my final story-telling project for Journ20b! La, you're brilliant. G'job.

So- as long as I can really begin the whole paper today, I should be set with everything. Got to watch the dream team for Comm. class, and read the chapters, study for the PS1 final which shouldn't be too bad, and


live like the true La I am...

w00t for new firmware

I just updated the firmware version on my D70 and now the menu looks so cool! I'm looking forward to playing with it, big time... if only I had an idea of what to shoot for my final project picture story package... hm... There's always work at Cabrillo, on Sunday I might as well wander around doing lights and focusing, with my camera around my neck, might make for some neat ones... Or maybe something cool will pop up out of the blue? I'm sure it will be fine, I've just got to be sure and reciprocate and take Kerry out to dinner or something because of his generosity with printing all of my assignments this semester... killer!

What a nice day. I should go for a bike ride. Word.

18.05.05

Today I find myself once again in a funk, a stale mate and calm lull- a solitude, where my mind feels swamped with outside noises and my frame of vision is scattered, as my eyes jump from one bright thing to another- watching the way people interact with one another, listening to the obnoxious loud voices of people instructing each other, but it all seems so... natural. Helping one another sometimes seems like a selfless act, but when I observe the way someone walks through the aisles and glances over each person's shoulders with that air of egotistical interest, it seems so overtly natural as well. What can we do but be distracted and attracted to others? There's almost no easy way to fall into a calm silence and only pay attention to the task at hand, and there I am envious of those who can stay focused - I ought to schedule myself for yoga and meditation, thought processes, and more writing from my heart.
Things are foreboding on me, shoulders are weighed down by my thoughts and choices that are just around the corner, but the one way I can deal is to relax and go with the flow...
Sigh. So melancholy.

train wreck

OH god. That was so amazingly embarassing. We just presented our group project on the restrictions on our civil rights after 9/11 and it started off rocky... first off, the DVD player was not in the room, and the tech-lady was MIA, so I asked one of the kids in the class with his 17" laptop if he had a DVD player on his 'pooter, and we got that going, would have been nice to have an S-Video cable but that was no go, but once it got rolling I felt as though I did an ok introduction, and the video, of course teacher lady was impressed. I couldn't tell how the kids in the class felt, the rest of the presentation just went downhill from there. Megan's schpeil was good, she's a fine public speaker. Fat man Robyn, every time I look at him now I just get so disgusted- he didn't seem prepared what-so-ever, even though I did all that work for his dumb ass, he still pulled all kinds of shit out of his ass and talked extraordinarily rocky, like a fucking mule. And then Feliza lady, she just read the section of the patriot act and that's it- left it hanging, ugh. Embarassing. Then Alisha, whisper kid, read in her sweet little non-existant voice for 8 minutes of stuff that didn't seem coherent but a section of her final paper... the conclusion rocked, though- left everyone thinking, and successfully put the whole thing to a finish well, and I'm sure we'll get a fine grade, if she gives everyone in the group different grades, that is, there's no way that I'd stand for a lower grade because of the bullshit that fatass pulled and the other lady. ugh.

I'm so glad it's over. And something in me does want to go to the city tonight, to see Citizen Cope, but I've got to get that stupid article done and really get the ball rolling on the final paper for PS, and driving for 4 hours doesn't seem like all that fun. But, sigh, maybe I can swing it. And do I go to class, or no?

How bout it.
*

argh.

I gotta get out of here.
Ok, going... going...

*gone*

Right, just joking. No, really. Seriously, that was earlier.
This is now. So it's 11:44 pm. My face is oily. Going to go wash it now. I just vaccuumed, hope the landlords don't mind... Ha ha. No, really. Washing face now. Here I go... Ok, I'm back. And. Can anyone tell I'm delerious!?

Just finished up watching "Ladder 49" with Steven, and I think it really is one of the most Hollywoodized cheeze balls of attempts to recruit people into the reality of being a fireman. And it makes it really attractive, but Backdraft was a helluva lot better. Better plot, better acting, although Joaquin Phoenix is mm mm good, (seems to be putting on a tad bit more weight than earlier films) and John Travolta as always danced at least once in the movie, keeping to tradition, of course. But I found it rough going back and forth from this dying bit and all the flashbacks to his life. I wanted to know the stories of all the other firemen as well, not just bits of our Jack. Anyway. Now I'm contemplating whether I should stay up and watch the Incredibles or go to bed, waiting for dreams to take me away, or combine the two, and daze out in front of the blazing tube.

Oh! Gotta put the enchiladas away first. These ones came out much better than the other batch, I find that following my natural style of a smorgasbord and goulash of everything in the mix goes well when the flavors compliment each other. And the cornbread is a success as always. It's nice to cook when I've got reasons to... And I know well that anything is better than homework.

Right.
*

baseball pictures

Oh this is just plain funny...

Gotta love the promotion, they're not even the best of all photos!

Cabrillo Baseball photos...

Yay.

got the slideshow up!

looks ok, gotta get more photos up, more galleries...

photoportfolio

whatever

Argh.
Life is ridiculous.
Emotions are ridiculous.
Dialectics are ridiculous.
Competitions are STUPID.
American culture is ridiculous.
People are ridculous. Extremely ridiculous.

What makes me say all this?
Life.
Responsibility. Education. Finances. Communication. Interaction.
Categorizing, voting, competing, power-forcing.
Mediating,
photographing. Deciding, learning, loving, hating and living.

Damn.

Happy Birthday Kermit!!!

Happy 50th birthday, Kermit the Frog!

presstube?

so cool. don't know why, but it's so freakin' cool.




AND: this is sweeeeeeet: page 19

why i oughta

Work... I've made it to the point of no return. Rather- to the point of imminent decision, where a "return" is incredibly important. There are decisions which must be made. And the decision I made to keep saying NO to lighting design jobs must be met and held on to- every time a ladder falls on my head and the stress escalates to the point which I am hating being in the place I once loved, and rejecting the responsibility of artistic license, I know it's gone too far and a major life-changing turn is due... I've know also for a while that I'm plain sick of designing lights because it's just not worth the stress for me anymore. And stage management, I'm also over dealing with dramatic fools- and since they're in every aspect of life anyway, why get paid to take all their problems onto my shoulders? I don't want to - and I can continue to say yes and be forced to gripe and complain within, or I can continue on another path and just move on move on. I'd rather stick to something that is less overtly depressing and just play the field, not settle for things that I know I can do, but have no passion for. No more ladders on my neck and no more pride- time to move on, move on.
And if moving on entails starting from scratch on something completely new, then by all means, I'll embrace the change and excitement full on, with open arms and ecstatic eyes wide and looking out to the foggy hills of the city- SF here I come!!!!!
Sorry, wish it were New York, but not right now... gotta be able to get in- state tuition, especially when I risk losing $20,000 to the IRS, unless Grampa Allocca can make the crises all go away.

thursday rant.

(The rant following includes bitching about self, relationships, communication, cramps, and 3,000 miles of continent- another blog full of potentially damaging content)

Chris was right, I'm not acting like myself today. And that's the thing- how could I possibly act like anyone but myself. I am myself, on good days and on bad days. So I seem powerless, or less powerful than normal, he says. And shit, his observation was one hundred percent accurate. Emotional, pissed off, out of my mind. I don't want to hang out with someone who turns me into what is even more like myself, a bitch. A raving pants-wearing controlling bitch. But seriously, should I have to ASK someone to clean up his dirty snot rags off my bedroom floor, to throw away his own beer bottles before leaving, to help me keep my peace, to respect my bedroom and put down the toilet seat, and by the time you're in your 30's and you haven't learned to respect a house full of women, then there's seriously something fucked up going on here. Is it worth it? Do I have to teach, train, show someone what it means to me to be respectful? Responsible, and considerate? I want to be around someone who is inherently respectful and knows how to clean up after himself. That's just low. Fucking low... I know what it's like to enjoy the company of respectful and mature human beings. There is no comparison. It's a waste of time.
Then again, not everything revolves around me either, but finding a process of effective communication and attaining the goals of all involved... all parties can be happy- no compromising, no yeilding and no manipulating. The principle of least interest is in effect here - I have the least interest in the relationship, therefore I have more power. I have nothing vested in it. It's pure distraction. The need for human contact. The need for drama. Is it worth it. I've got more emotions vested in the other relationship that is virtually impossible and inattainable at this moment in time... have more fun chatting and satisfying my guilty pleasures over the cyber-waves than dealing with the repercussions of a once-in-a-while slob whose flaws outweigh any qualities a hundred to one. There are better results from fantasies and dreams and ideas for the futre than from immediate reality. Dammit.
Back to my brother's old mantra- "make friends with your lonliness, it's all you've got."
Today- lights for a gypsy concert at the Rio, home shower, food... Think of nothing. Mind free and open, breathing deep and letting the feminine hormones flow through uterus and breasts, let the blood flow and veins pulsate with nature. No forcing anything that can't be natural by itself, emotions included. First things first. Focus on the here and now, not the what could be or what shouldn't be.
Hazzah.

finished.

I can't imagine I threw this together in a few hours. Geez, and I also can't believe it took me that long to finish. iMovie's a bitch. At least it's done. There are things I would have changed but ... *shrug* I'm sure I'll get a good grade, who cares if the timing's a wee bit off in places. Works for me. I didn't want to come off as partisan or biased either way... it seems kind of pro Butch because he's the undertone of the whole thing, but I don't care that much to go back and start over. Plus there are tiny kinks but then again, I don't care that much. Plus, I don't care what other people think of it, it's only for visuals for the grade, and I doubt that anyone in my group has a view either way. I'll show it to them and ask them what they think, but otherwise I leave it be and work on more pressing things. It's out of the way. Schweet.

w00t

Notice how much I say "I don't care"...
That's got to mean something psychologically.